Dazed & Confused

Since accepting my current job and making the big move down to NC, I have gotten one firm job offer (at a place I had interviewed at SIX MONTHS before) and two other calls with interest in me. All three jobs were at home in Northern Virginia, and when they called it was easy to say, "No thanks, I've already accepted a different offer," but now I find myself wondering if I made the right decision.

We have no way of knowing the future, so I have always tried to do the best I can with whatever information I have on hand when it comes time to make a decision. I make the decision to take my current job and to move to NC over a weekend, and was at my house here literally two days after I was hired. So maybe it was how quickly it happened that didn't give me a chance to mull it over.

Ever since my family moved from NC to VA when I was 10, I have known that Northern Virginia is 100% absolutely not the place I want to spend the rest of my life. It's too crowded, I don't like the people, traffic impacts even the simplest plans to drive somewhere and it has never truly felt like "home." For the past four years Harrisonburg was my home, so when I started looking for jobs the location was important. I was searching basically everywhere in the state of Virginia (except the little western part that sticks out...) and other states I thought might be cool. I knew that by choosing a job, I'd either be choosing a new home, or finally accepting Northern Virginia as my home.

I realized today I have lived in Hickory for about 7 weeks, and what do I have to show for it? A house with random home improvements, a new driver's license, NC license plates, and a pair of cowboy boots. Friends my own age? No. Membership in an organization? No. Any kind of social interaction outside of Monday Trivia Night? No. And to add to my complete lack of progress here, I find out today that Athan is being considered for a job in Richmond. It's so frustrating.

I wish I could have been able to see the future and see that Athan wouldn't be having any luck getting jobs in NC, but tons of connections in VA, and I wouldn't have set about the process of really trying to ingrain myself here. What sucks even more is that I am not socially adjusted, merely governmentally and administratively committed to this new home. If I could have known all this, my parents wouldn't have just spent a thousand dollars renting a truck last weekend and bringing all my furniture down here. I could have kept my state residency in Virginia and enrolled in grad school next year, like I wanted to down here. But now there is a whole mess is front of me. If Athan gets this job, what do I do? I don't want to live six hours apart from him. Having him here made living here easy and fun. Now when I think about being here alone I just feel...well, lonely. I wanted to live in NC because we had both said we liked the state and wanted to end up here someday. Did I pick a day way too soon? Is "someday" not a real thing?

I am just feeling really conflicted. I love the lifestyle here but what's better: nearby family & friends in a congested and annoying area or a slow paced, enjoyable lifestyle with absolutely no one to share it with? I'm so nervous about this Richmond thing. I'm a pretty flexible person and it's not the actual act of moving or the location that I would be opposed to...it's the fact that moving would set me back so far in the progress I am making and literally put me back at step one. Not to mention the wasted finances on both mine and my parents' parts. I know an actual concrete job offer doesn't exist yet, but I it's worth thinking about to me because I want to know what I should do if it does happen. I feel so unprepared and unequipped to deal with this life challenge.